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November 14, 2008

Up Or Down?

Mr Sweetie is a polite and considerate person.


Being polite and considerate he likes to leave the toilet lid in the non-functional but aesthetically pleasing DOWN position.

I'm more in favor of the less aesthetically pleasing but fully functional Leave It Up So I Can Make It There Quick position.

We have two bathrooms. One is conveniently located two giant steps away from the Office. This is very important when I have guzzled forty-eleven cups of coffee before 8 AM.

The other bathroom is about a mile away, further if you've had more than your fair share of caffeine.

Sadly the convenient bathroom is out of comission. First there was a minor leak. Then a big flood.

Do you know the rules of gravity? That "shit rolls down hill" theory?

Water follows the same rules.


My FIL came over yesterday to "fix" the toilet.

Mr. Sweetie elected to have some manly assistance because he has issues with my ability to follow directions. And his two bum shoulders do not appreciate lifting a toilet's weight.

FIL says "Uh-oh"

The subfloor is wet. Because water just had to follow the rules.

The throne is now majestically parked in the middle of the bathroom. The subfloor is drying. Slowly.

Look on the bright side. Now I can finish the paint job I started ten years ago.

Bead board. Wouldn't bead board look GREAT in there? Maybe a new sink too. I never did like that sink.

I think some new towels might be in order. Since the good ones are in a heap on the floor after being used to mop up toilet water. Just sayin'.

Anyway. In the meantime I'm going to have to:
a.) cut down on the coffee (not an option)

b.) run faster (not happening)

vault the dog gate and whiz (heh heh) into the far-away bathroom.

Where the lid is aesthetically.stubbornly.irritatingly. DOWN.

Please God don't let me pee on the seat.

'Cause I'm the Cleaner-Upper and I don't want to go there.

November 13, 2008

Fur Babies

I used to love to travel. The Army had a slogan. FTA. Fun Travel Adventure. Once I joined, I found that FTA stood for a different acronym. I'll leave that one to your imagination. If you can't figure it out I'll email it to you. 'Cuz we only say Faux on this here blog.

One of the places we ended up was Oklahoma. I earned my nursing degree and a divorce decree in Oklahoma. *sing that to a country tune, it's a sure hit*
Hi Tiffany!

My ex didn't want anything. I sure didn't want anything either. I put up a big old MOVING sale in front of the house and sold everything off. One unintentional thing that went with the furniture was my daughter C.A.'s cat. Either she was hiding in the dresser as it went out the door, or she escaped during the Great Furniture Evacuation.

We ended up at the local APL hoping to find Sadie. I think maybe she met the Rottweiler next door but I wouldn't say that to a four-year old. We found.....Wild Bill.
Bill looked like a small bear. I thought he would eat up my precious little daughter.

He didn't. We took him home to Ohio. Clementine came too. (that's Bill on the right with the pearls. W.i.l.d. Bill). (not really, but it could be him)

Years passed. The Zoo got bigger. I'm a sucker for beasties...Mr. Magoo. Sprout. Rosie & Luna. Frank. Pierre. Ollie. There is a NO MORE PETS rule at the J'Ollie Home. Ollie was a rule breaker. Dang him.

WHO brought all of these beasties home? C.A. The one beastie who no longer lives here at least she doesn't live here THIS MINUTE. Things change.
WHO called the other night to say "Guess what? I'm fostering two kitties! They are so stinkin' cuuuuute!" *insert baby talk to stinkin' cute kitties here*

We had a breif but meaningful discussion on the definitions of FOSTERING and KEEPING.


The point to this post? Go to the top left corner. There's a purple button there. Click on it. Go on, click it. There. You've just filled .6 bowls of food in an animal shelter. Clicking that button will take you to a web site. You just click on one more button to feed an animal. For every click the web sponsors will pay for .6 bowls of food. The Food Lady thanks you. The shelter animals thank you. About those two foster kitties.........they will be given as Fabulous Prizes to the first taker.

November 12, 2008

Don't You Hate It When....

You go to the grocery store and fill up your cart with a month's worth of groceries.

well it looks like a month's worth

using your list and your carefully planned monthly menus.

as if yeah right, totally wingin' it on the menu

You *sigh* at the cash register as you surrender your $$$

Take it all home, put it away and feel a sense of accomplishment at once again providing
your family with sustenance ~

late at night looking in the fridge a little whiney voice says

"there's nothing to eat........"

and that little whiney voice is your own?

Yeah, me too.
Shelle over at BlokThoughts is hosting "Don't You Hate It When....." Monday November 17th. Go on over and check her out, and remember to VOTE on Tuesday. For the Don't You Hate It When Winner, not the Prez. Been there done that.

November 11, 2008

Oh No He Didn't

Faux (pronounced /ˈfoʊ/, like "foe") is a French word for false or fake. It is often used in English phrases such as faux pearls, faux fur, and faux pas.

Except when you go to the hardware store with your Significant Other and he picks up a flyer that advertises a FAUX painting class and says........

"hey! a F***K painting class! Sounds like something you might want to try, honey!"

picture me with a faux smile plastered to my face.

If I weren't so cranky hormonally challenged it would have been amusing.

thank goodness the store was full of men who didn't know how to pronounce it either.

November 10, 2008

Please Excuse Me From Monday....

Remember those carefully forged notes we had to take to school to excuse our absences?

Dear Teacher Followers Friends,

Please excuse J'Ollie Linda from school posting today. She is not feeling Jolly. Her head is spinning like Linda Blair from The Excorsist and she is going batshit crazy if anybody so much as asks for a matching pair of socks. She is only being pretend nice to get through the day without hurting any feelings. And her fonts are misbehaving.

too bad that won't get me out of work. Darn.